Love or Fear
If you’re faced with a challenge or a decision to make, it’s always wise to pause and examine why you’re choosing one path or another. This is a good habit to establish when seeking to be more mindful and self-aware.
Somewhere, a long time ago, I read that there are two main motivators in life: love and fear. This idea stuck with me and I find myself circling back to it when I’m faced with and thinking through big decisions in my life. The concept seems simple, but it serves as a powerful gut-check about what is really driving you.
The way it works is to think about what choice you’re faced with - maybe you’re thinking about ending a relationship, or maybe you’re thinking about starting classes to earn a degree. Ask yourself “why am I considering doing this?”
If you ask yourself “why” enough times, you’ll eventually get down to one of two answers - either you’re excited by or in love with the prospect of something, or you’re afraid of an outcome or running from something.
If you ask yourself “why” enough times, you’ll eventually get down to one of two answers...
Some decisions are not inherently good or bad. What truly defines a decision is your motivation behind making that choice. For example, you may think that starting classes to earn a degree must be coming from a good place, since that decision is generally considered a positive thing in society. But if you get down to your core motivation and discover you’re only making that choice because you feel pressure to live up to your parents expectations, then the decision is not necessarily positively motivated.
As we’re faced with decisions, big and small, in our everyday lives, we must pause and consider our true motivations. This is a powerful tool of self-awareness that can uncover patterns that need our attention. Challenges will never stop coming our way, but we can choose to let love guide us.
Where to Begin
Where to begin…
This is the challenge so many of us face when we’re in front of a new project we want to tackle, a new idea we want to explore, or a new relationship we want to pursue.
Where to begin… well at the beginning obviously, right? But if you’re like me, it’s not that simple.
The problem for some may be the planning part. For some it may be the thought that the venture may not turn out well. For others, it may be the feeling that you don’t have the time or energy available to put into this new thing.
In all cases, those doubts and hesitations are coming from fear. Remember those two main motivators we talked about - fear and love? Ask yourself the "why" questions, and if your answers resemble roadblocks, it’s usually because of fear of the unknown.
There must be a reason that the idea crossed your mind... Lean into that - what are you trying to satisfy with this new thing?
So how do you get past the challenge of beginning? I’ve found that a good first step is to understand what is drawing you to the idea of the project to begin with. There must be a reason that the idea crossed your mind. There must be a desire deep inside that brought that person into focus at this moment in time. Lean into that - what are you trying to satisfy with this new thing?
Next, tell yourself you’re worth it. If you have a desire to try something new, it’s for a reason and you deserve to explore it. Invest in exploring your talents, abilities, skills, your potential to love or grow in relationships. You are worth investing in.
We have the will to do what we are driven to do if it’s important to us and if we feel strongly compelled to do it.
Now tackle the fear. Fear can manifest as false beliefs - like believing you don’t have the ability to plan or you don’t have enough time to take on a new venture. I say these are false because the human spirit is powerful. We have the will to do what we are driven to do if it’s important to us and if we feel strongly compelled to do it. Maybe there are things you need to work on or improve, like organizing your time, but it is possible to learn new skills through practice and determination. There may be things you need to sacrifice to keep your balance as well, like giving up an hour of TV time to put towards something else. This is possible by creating new habits through discipline, which we all have experience with (hello, daily routines).
So when beginning something new seems out of reach, remember that it actually is within your reach if you believe it is. You are more capable than you know. Take a chance on yourself - you never know what could become of it.
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DeLaVie is about the exploration and pursuit of total wellness. I hope you find some insights here. Feel free to share your thoughts or experiences in the comments.
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